Spring Changes People

Spring is in the air. I know it is supposed to snow this week. Still that does not change what this time of year does to people. 

Spring cleaning. 

Cleaning of friends.

Cleaning of old feelings. 

Cleaning of the house. 

Cleaning of all the bad that has crept into your life during the horrid winter months post Christmas. 

I can see the change start to take place. Not just in myself but in the world around me. Not only is the grass getting greener and the sky bluer but the answers to questions held in all winter are begining to unravel. Spring is a magical time of year. I am welcoming it with open arms. That and my newly filed tax return.

Moving On

About three years ago I was talking to a boy in my high school ballroom class (yes I took ballroom and yes I dropped out) I remember asking him if he was still dating a certain someone. You see they had been a very public high school couple. In high school I am much like I am now I love to know things about peoples life some call it  gossip I call it caring. Any way so I for some reason will not forget the politically correct answer this high school senior gave "All good things come to an end and our (meaning the previous girlfriend) good thing has come to an end." This did and still does strike me as very mature way of looking at past relationships/friendships. 

You see I have never been in a serious relationship but I have enjoyed some great friendships and flings (if you can even call them that). I have come to realize that they like this particular high school romance had to come to an end. They had run there course and I learned what I needed to. I grow from each relationship I have with another person. Whether it just be friends, wardies, roomies, or a "celebrity" crush I have grown from them all. Right now I am letting a good thing in my life end because I feel like I have learned my lesson (I do not feel like re-learning the same lesson more than five times over).  So this is to all good things coming to an end and moving on...I'll let you know how it goes.

blue, yellow, red...you?

As of late I have been reading this gem of a book. It was lent to me by one of my favorite uncles who also happens to be a social worker. He shares my love of people and problem solving. Lets just say he has helped me more than once in my classes and life as of late. 

Yesterday I took the test and found out that I am a blue-yellow followed closely by red. Once I finish the book completely I will re-evaluate and take the test again. I don't fully trust the results. You see I have this theory that in high school while living at home, working at Plato's and on student council I was a flaming red. Then I came to college quite Plato's, moved out, and barely make it to school at all. This change has caused me to be a fun loving yellow. I am not complaining although it might have more to do with the medication I have recently started taking (that is another story). So maybe once I finish the book, move home for the summer and stop trying to deny the fact that I love control and power my color of conduct will change.

 You see I am now obsessed more than I already was with reading people and their personality to try and identify each persons core color (just ask bestie Kara). Just last night I made each of the roomies take the test. I guessed their colors before beginning and was 3 out of 4. I now dare you to test my new found love and knowledge of the color code, take the test and before telling me your results I will guess your color...

Carter

Today is this brother's birthday. He is officially an adult as of today. Only problem? Carter has wisdom that exceeds his age. He has always been an example to me of how to overcome life's trials. He has made his life something that anyone would be proud of. He is not a quitter. He is a fighter. Carter has taught me that anything is possible with hard work and perseverance. He has taught me that your weaknesses can become your strengths and to not dwell on that which is hard for you but to do what you need to do to suceed. So Carter happy birthday I love you and look up to you more than you will ever know.

DATING

Just the other day the sudo (i have never claimed to know how to spell) pseudo roomies and I were talking about dating. Shocking I know. The thing is in Provo dating is often times the only thing people talk about. The first question you are generally asked by an aquantice, family member, high school classmate, or anybody else you may come in contact with is "So who are you dating these days?" or "So you dating anyone?". The problem is when you are not dating someone the question can become awkward. My usually response is "Why just date one!" or "I am just having fun dating around!" when in reality I don't really date.
 
It is hard to explain to the perpetual dater why one would not want to date.  You see dating is all about putting yourself out there and making yourself available. Unfortunately it is a game. For me I have found it easier to just not put myself in the game then suffer the hard fouls, time outs, half times, penalty box, and my least favorite losing. I had a former bishop who believed this mentality was causing me to struggle with same sex attraction I promise this is not the case.

I would just like to find out who I am before I allow someone else enter my life which can sometimes be a mess (a mess that I am learning to love). This way when I experience losing the game, I can get right back up and play another knowing that I only need to win once.

oh yeah...about that

yesterday i learned about provident living. it felt as if i was back in high school and my mom would guilt me into being nice to the brothers. you know when you already know you are bad at something and then someone decides to confront you on "how you just have so much potential and we just expect more out of you"  for me it feels like someone put a weight in my stomach and it just dropped down to the floor. that is how i felt yesterday learning about "prominent" living (i totally thought that is what it was called until the roomies fiance teased me after about the 30th time of me saying it). i came home and decided that i would return some of my newly purchased clothes, sell my clothes, donate plasma and go back to my new years resolution to save my hard earned monies.

*this all starts after i replenish my supply of these, oh and this

thanking mr downs

 i started journaling in mr. down's 11th grade english class. i wrote about whatever was on my mind mr. downs would occansionally read something i wrote and the general response was "you are too young to date anyway" or "you are right boys are not worth your time". so as you can see my mind was filled with mostly boys, dances, boys, operation smile, boys, friends, boys, clothes, plato's, and boys...not much has changed.

i don't know what it is about journaling that just brings out the need for me to talk about every encounter, every text, phone call, hang out, drive by, sighting, or gossiping that takes place with any number of guys i may or may not be crushing on.

so mr downs my friends, my  family and i thank you because if it was not for your inspiration in having your students write down their thoughts, dreams, emotions, crushes, stories, and feelings.we would still be listening to me complain about "how he so did not call me after i clearly made not only made visual contact but verbal contact as well...he so should have gotten my number out of the ward directory by now!" i only wish i was kidding.

someday, future, people, social worker

In college we are asked to pick a major. I think this could better be described as picking the one thing we think will make us happy for the rest of lives based on a predetermined list that school has set out for you. Hopefully you pick a good one now because if not you will take unneeded classes prolonging your graduation. Generally speaking we pick our majors based on what we are good at.

 I am horrible at math.  I hate the phonetics of English (in fact I had to use word spell checker then dictionary to make sure I got the right usage and spelling out of phonetics). I have never been happier with a grade than the C- I received in Meteorology (that is how much I disliked that class...I just wanted to pass); I have yet to take Biology. I only like the stories behind history trying to remember all the dates and battles just stresses me out. The most artistic thing I do all day is pick out my clothes and accessories. Physical education has always been my worst subject I did not even like tag at Cascade. I don't know the difference between a soprano or an alto, in fact I could not tell you the difference between chords, notes, measures, flats and sharps. As you can see my options for picking a major have been limited.

Although I have always known what I don't like I did not know what I did like. What I did know is that I love people. I love talking (as most of you know). I love stories. I love knowing why a person did what they did. What made them choose to be the way they are? How people rise above their circumstance? What makes each individual different, unique, lovable, interesting and happy? 

We as individuals each have a story to tell. That is precisely why I chose Social Work. Social Work is the ability to help others find out what in their lives has led them to act the way they do now. What has occurred in their life to get them to the place they are in now. I am just lucky that there are people out there willing to learn biology, chemistry, history, math, music, dance, pe, and many other subjects I am horrible at so I can learn about people (my favorite subject). So I can someday help others. 

xoxo  your favorite future Social Worker

Child of 80's

I was born in the 
greatest decade. This decade is SO great we celebrate it every Thursday night at Area 51. I have chosen to never forget the decade of my birth so I choose to fashion many of my outfits, hair, nail color, music, movie choice and dance moves after this special decade. Tonight as I have often done  I am going to pay tribute to the AWESOME 1980'S. I am going to honor the late John Hughes, Cory Haim and Michael Jackson in the best way I know how. Getting all dolled up "Material Girl" style and look at the "Man in the Mirror" while celebrating "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" as we get our "Footloose"."Sweet Child of Mine" you are welcome to join it may get"Nasty"but no worries we party "Like a Virgin" because we are "Livin' on a Prayer". Hopefully I will see you tonight as I "Bust a Move". 

xoxo "Mickey"

Hollywood Ending

So a couple of weeks ago I could not decided what to do. The decision was eating at me (literally like I am pretty sure I had 100 otter pops) I had no idea what I was going to do. I knew what I wanted to do and what I should do. I asked everyone and anyone what they would do. Still I could not decide. So I did what any normal 20 year old girl would do, I turned to Hollywood. I watched one of my favorite movies. I then knew what I had to do...and I did it. Guess what? It ended just like it does in the movies, too bad every once in a while Hollywood does not have a happy ending.

Something Happened

Remember these new year resolutions?

Well there is one that I never thought would happen in fact I didn't expect it to happen. Then one day something began to change. I suddenly had this desire to do something for myself, something that was going to make me happy, something that was not for any one but me, something I have tried before but have never been able to sustain, something that will help me be a better mother, daughter, sister, student, friend, and person. This something is exercise. I don't know how it happened (ok so maybe I know exactly how it happened but I am just not ready to share all my secrets with you...I need time) but I do know that I am grateful it did happen. I am still new to it all. I mean come on it has only been a week and a half but I have moved my body more in the past week in a half than I have in all of 2009. The difference is that this time I am not choosing to be kind to my body and move it so I will get the "rock hard bod" that will entice all the "king-henry-vollleyball-playing-provo-all-stars" this summer. Instead I chose to begin moving because I felt like it was time to treat myself like the trusting, loving, beautiful woman that I am.

(newly engaged roomie Lauren and I doing the X factor in p90X)

Self Affirmation

 

(I would like to think that even beautiful women back then had bad moments)

So my life was on the verge of shambles. 

Thanks to some loving and wise friends I am on my way to putting it back together. 

So I apologize for the downer posts.

Sometimes life is a downer and it is up to us to make it right again.

I began making my life right again by saying these three simple phrases to myself daily (or hourly). 

I love me. 

I trust me. 

I am beautiful. 

Guess what?

I have begun to believe it and the more I believe it the more I

love

trust 

and act 

beautifully. 

* I dare you to try it

my life clearly does not make sense right now. 

i want what i can not have,

i do not know what i want

and 

growing up is hard. 

the end.

*how i wish i could go back to these fun times