Tuesday, July 27, 2010

adventure seeking and fabulous

as the summer begins to come to a close i can not help myself but to re-play it in my mind. i think of how none of my summer plans worked out how i thought they would and yet everything happened just how it should. i have loved this summer and i can honestly say it will go down in history as a adventure seeking,  fabulous summer.

i have loved the freedom that accompanies un-employment. the freedom to leave at a moments notice and not come back for hours, days or weeks at a time. i have loved surrounding myself with new people and places. i have loved reconnecting with old friends and reminicing of old times. most of all i have enjoyed getting re-aquainted with myself.

the summer is NOT over so this will not be a an ode to a summer that i will always remember but instead a memory of what has been and what can still be. three weeks are left and i can not wait to see what they bring.

Saturday, July 10, 2010


(at the april fiesta for cousin billy's graduation)

this summer has been a summer i will never forget. hawaii, king henry, farms, nor cal, swimming, unemployment, family reunion, and tanning. this summer i have perfected my tanning positioning. i have perfected the tan to a point where my family can not longer call me madison with out a spanish accent because i kinda look like a different race. i realize that in this day and age when cancer is a threat and leather tan skin is a thing of the past i am behind in the times. i simply do not care. i love my tan. so here is a little before and after (note in both pictures i am not wearing any makeup and my hair is not done) can you see the difference?

(milking cows with my favorite farmer in june)

a profesional tanner

Friday, July 9, 2010

17 again

(the best of madi and mike summer of '06)
I love reading a good book and nothing can distract me while I am down to the wire and about to finish. Unless that is a phone call from an unknown number along with a voicemail. So obviously (okay not so obviously I can go days with ignoring my voicemail) I listen to the voicemail and make a mental note on whether or not to call them back. On the off chance that the voicemail mentioned a need of immediate attention I will call back immediately. Today I received a message that was in Spanish (usually meaning it is a tele-marketing company who thought that by chance I spoke another language) and all I understood was hermano Hall. That was all I needed to hear before dropping the phone.
Once I recovered I called the number and talked to my favorite "85 foot shot" friend. It has been two years since I talked to this bestie and yet it felt like 2 days. I loved talking to him! I talked alot and he listened. I told him he could tell me to be quite after all it would only be fair seeing as I used to tell him to be quite all the time. I was giddy while on the phone with him. I was giddy once I got off the phone and I am giddy telling you about it now. I feel as if I am 17 and nothing has changed (except that he now will only wear his hair in a part and talk with a cute accent).

still giddy and can not stop smiling

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

California and an unfinished book

I am heading off to California to spend the rest of July with my fabulous family. My aunt asked if anyone wanted to drive back home with her and keep her company. I could not resist. This whole unemployed and not going to school thing has its perks at times. I leave in approximately three hours. I have little planned. 

The little I do have planned is more about accomplishing a thing that I have always striven to do. You see there is this book I have started many times and have never finished. I am hoping to finish this book and have many of the questions I have had for sometime answered. I am hoping that I may finally know why I have chosen to live the life I live and believe the things I believe.  You see many of you have finished this book and answered many of my questions for yourself. I envy your answers and look to receive my own over the next three weeks. Pray for me?

a determined to finish the book

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

A Fiesta for Andrea

I have questioned the best way to express my love and appreciation for a favorite roommate and friend of mine. You see I feel as if I have known this lovely lady for years instead of months. She knows my deepest fears, mistakes, loves, secrets and gossip. She has been my other half this summer. She has changed the way I look not only at myself but at others. 

This lady is Andrea. I met her last fall on my first day at Liberty Square. We had a mutual friend and lived next door to each other pretty much the rest is history. Fall semester was tough for me weddings consumed my social calendar. Yet she was still there for the limited week nights and week ends I had. We talked for hours about nothing. We compared the trials life had dealt us, we danced, we ate, we mingled but most of all we formed a friendship. A friendship that was solidified over Christmas break when I spent a week with her family in Vegas and California. Andrea finally made it out of her teenage years on June 16th. 

In true form we celebrated with a fiesta ringing in her 20th with good food, and great friends. As Andrea's birthday has come and gone I have began to think of the friendship we have formed. My friends from high school have chosen to fall in love before me and in the process I have been given the blessing of having Andrea in my life. 

a grateful finder of new best friends

Farmers and Friendship

This blog is starting to turn into my childhood journal where every time I write I feel the need to apologize for having gone so long with out confiding my daily activities, thoughts or anything else I found semi-important in the pre-pubescent years. So rather than apologize for the lack of posts I will start this post with how I begin many of my current journal entries. I will act as if I have missed nothing and rather than trying to catch you up on all that has consumed my life I will simply start with the most current things in my life that are simply not making sense.

I spent 4 days on a farm about a week ago. I loved every minute of it and have missed the simple life a lot. I am mad I did not take any pictures. I figure I will just have to visit the farm and the people on it again so I may have a second chance to take all the traditional farm pictures. 

I went up with a friend. He is a boy from my ward at King Henry I met majority of his family and slept in the room next to his for 5 nights. He is the first boy I brought to a Sunday dinner (this is a big deal). My family loved him and I in turn loved his family. We are just friends.

My mind has been occupied about this term just friends not just while spending time with my friend and his family on the farm but also here in Provo where I will spend the remainder of my summer while he spends his in Washington. How convenient would it be for me to fall for him while visiting? Have I fallen for him? Do I just like the idea of  him and his simple life? Would he ever fall for a city girl like me (now I realize I am from Orem, Ut which is not necessarily a city but it has a grocery store, mall and movie theater)? Could I ever fall for a farmer? The questions are endless. I can only ask them so many times before I fear my friend and all the possibilities of what our friendship may become consumes me. 

a consumed just friend of a handsome farmer

Monday, June 7, 2010

Bestie Kara

(awkward junior high)
(fabulous high school)
(kay's wedding november '09)
I have mentioned this bestie before but today she deserves her very own post.

You see Kara and I have been friends forever. We grew up together. She saw me through all the playful elementary years, awkward junior high years and would go back to the fabulous high school years if I asked her. Our families are friends, her friends are my friends and my friends her friends. We both love food and our families. This year we started our Friday lunches after she left me at Liberty Square. Friday lunches are full of gossip, catch up, facebook stalking, blog talking, Cafe Rio tostadas, reminescing, laughter, occasional crying and most of all  pure friendship.

This past week Kara had to cancel on lunch. She said something about spending the weekend in Deer Valley with her family and boyfriend Jeffie (she seriously chose these people over me! wtf). I spent the day with my little sisters baking. As I was leaving the house that night I got a call. Jeffie had proposed! Yes it is true my childhood best friend got engaged the day before her 20th birthday. As she told me the story I couldn't stop smiling and yet I had tears running down my face.

You see I realized that a) I could not get her a better birthday gift than what Jeff had given her b) she had made the decision to spend the rest of her life with an incredible man that makes her oh so happy and c) I had a flood of memories come back to me. They type of memories that make you feel alive. Kara knows me better than most people. She knows who I truly am, what makes me happy, sad, angry, laugh, spiritual and loved. I am excited for her to start this next chapter of her life with Jeffie on August 20th. I just know she will make such a great wife. After all she has makes an amazing best friend.

a smiling, crying, and nonstalgic best friend
(oh and a picture of the happy couple taking fake engagements in powell summer of '09)

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Lost in the...

I have been missing and this time I do not even have a good excuse. I guess you could say summer has gotten the best of me. I have been reading. I remember my first road trip with the lovely Andrea we spent a week in California over Christmas break. Unfortunately for her I read in any spare time I could find. I love reading books that do not require much brain power but instead take you to another place. Reading a good book allows you to get lost in someone's troubles and not dwell on your own. 

I read the Hunger Games. I fell in love with Katniss, Peeta and Gale. I also fell off of the work wagon. Often trading full days of work to finish my book. Work is on the outs for me. My Dad's company is not doing well and I will be going from full time to less than part time. I am stressed to find a job. I am not the only one looking for work and that is what scares me. I have been scared, stressed and a little lonely. The perfect combination to get lost in a world that is not your own. To cheer your favorite new characters through life dangering times. To laugh with them and cry with them. To want there safety and sanity even it means losing your own. 

I have been praying a lot lately, and not just for my new favorite heroine. I have been praying for myself so that I may have the strength to put myself out there and look for the things that are falling apart around me. Mainly a job and maybe if I am honest a little company. It is just that sometimes it is easier to lose yourself in the troubles of your favorite fictional character than do the things that truly scare you.

a very scared and prayerful 

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

A Week in Hawaii

I have been absent, but for good reason I promise. I spent the last week on the lovely island of Oahu with some amazing women. You see cousin Stacey is going on her mission (that is if the new boyfriend doesn't get to her first) in June and Aunt Cyndy invited my mom and I to join on their fabulous island get-a-way. They did lots of exercising, hiking and picture taking. I did lots of eating, reading, and sitting. I loved getting away and I loved getting home even more. Here are a few highlights and lowlights (see those stairs at the bottom? those were the stairs to hell I seriously thought I was going to pass out....maybe I should hit the gym) of the incredible vacation.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Second Times the Charm?

(me and bestie andrea isn't she lovely?)

I could not do it. I lived at home for a total of 13 days before deciding to move out again. I love my family and having my own room and not having to grocery shop (lets be real I love not having to drive to Orem to eat my parents groceries), I loved watching TV on demand, I loved talking to my mom before work and the brothers before bed, I loved having water pressure and soft water and  yet all these things was not enough to keep me home. I made the decision Sunday after attending my old singles ward. The energy was addicting. I called Monday and found an apartment completely empty. Perfect for my lovely bestie Andrea and I. I am going back to King Henry for round two. Once again I am excited and yet I still feel as if I have regressed in life going back to a place that I have already experienced.  But maybe that is what life is about. Returning to places, people and things that have made you happy in the past. I hope this is true. I hope I will enjoy myself this summer like I did last summer.I guess we will just have to see.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

new found love

I don't know if you know this or not but I kinda like really totally love clothes. This is not a new thing it has been going on for as long as I remember. 

In fact just the other day Faith asked mom how I stayed so girly with all the brothers? Grace told Faith it is just the way I am. Oh so much truth to that. I love clothes, I love makeup, I love accessories, I love pretty hair, and lately I love wearing heels. I feel like such a lady when I wear them.

I especially love these found by one of my favorite fashionistas. They do not have them in her size so I guess I will just have to buy them for myself in my size (love nude, and purple).  Thanks for the find Jules.

your recently taller friend Madison

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Dust, D, Dustin

(dustin and elise)

Today the oldest Call child turns 25. The oldest of 8 kids can never be an easy place to be. You are the example. You are the guinea pig. You are also the leader. Dustin was everyone of these things. He had an ability to demand the best out of each of the siblings. He demanded the best from himself. He led the way for many a teacher to love me. Dust was always reading, debating, having fun and living right. I can rember praying in the horrible years of Jr. High to be as cool, fun, outgoing, smart and good looking as my oldest brother (you think I am kidding...I am dead serious). 

Dustin has always set the standard high, and he did it again this November when he married Elise. They bring each other up. They make each other better and most importantly they are happy. I would be lying if I said D and I always got along. The truth is I always wanted to be the oldest, I would fight with Dust. I was even known to smack him across the face (I was hormonal?). Want to know what is so noble of Dust though? Yeah he yelled at me, and narked on me to mom but he never touched me. He never made me feel like he did not love me. That is the way Dustin is. He is kind, loving, funny, witty, smart, obedient, hard working, an example, giving but most of all he loves me and our family. What more could you ask from an oldest brother? 

So Dustin Happy Birthday. I  am gratefully for the example you have set for me and the rest of the family. I do not tell you enough just how much I love you. I hope you have a fabulous day.

xoxo your loving little sister Madison

past, present and future

(maybe a watch like this would help?)

I love my blog and if you ever hang out with me it does not take long to know how much I love my blog. The words "have you read my blog?!" are a constant in my life. I have even been known to answer questions in school by reading a blog post. Does this make me weird? Probably, but I kinda do not care. I do not claim to be a fabulous writer. In fact I claim the exact opposite. When it comes to spelling, grammar, and punctuation you can count me out. I do not know the rules of writing but I do know that I love to express myself through words. I find the way words can reveal emotion to be stunning. I love communicating how I truly feel about someone or something through the written word (or in this case typed). 

Now that I outlined why I love my blog so much I feel as if I can tell you what happens to me now. I think in blog posts. When something happens in my life I think to myself "this would make such a great blog post!" then I take the next minute thinking of the best way to phrase what just happened to make it coherent to those that may or may not read it. Let's be honest I realize the lack of pictures on this blog and the amount of words may scare some people (oh alright they scare me and they are my words). So as I celebrated a crazy wedding week end  with the family and a trip down memory lane with the bestie more than once a fabulous blog posts came to mind. I even started a list in my journal so I can remember to tell you all about the incredible insight I received into my own life. 

But you see this creates another problem. I want to live in the present and yet the whole time the present is happening I am thinking about the best way to remember the present while not forgetting the past and trying to control the future. All these thoughts cross my mind while thinking up the next blog post (I seriously hope this makes sense?). So now I have a question that I have been trying to find the answer to for awhile now and surprisingly enough I have come up with nothing. So I open the questions to my few blog friends and whoever else may stumble upon this crazy blog. How do you live in the present?

a trying to not miss out on anything but also remember everything 

Friday, April 23, 2010

Cousin Julie Ann

 (emily, me and julie ann we really are so much fun)

Tomorrow I am a bridesmaid again. It is cousin Julie Ann's wedding. She is marrying Kurt. Growing up I had no sisters. I had to wait until I was 12 before I had a sister to partner in crime with. So I decided I would claimed cousins Julie Ann and Emily as my sisters. They were the best sisters anyone could have asked for. I only had to see them a couple times a year so when I did see them I was actually excited. We always got to do pretty much whatever we wanted. We were exclusive. We were sweet. We were kinda mean. We did whatever we wanted. We were so much fun. 

It is crazy to think that Julie Ann is getting married tomorrow. She is then moving to New York for an incredible internship she will be the breadwinner. You see Julie Ann is smart, practical, kind, loving, beautiful, and fun. She will be a great asset to Citibank.  I am beyond happy for her. I just can not believe how fast time goes by and how much things change. I feel like it was yesterday we were flower girls at the aunt and uncle's weddings. Now it is your wedding and we will be bridesmaids while you are the gorgeous bride. Congratulations to Mrs. Julie Ann Hymas Frandsen!

xoxo your cousin, sister, bridesmaid, fashion consultant, and friend Madison

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

home again, home again, yes i am...

Today I moved home. I feel as if I am digressing in life. You know in movies when everything just falls apart so the main character just goes home, or in the book I just read the girl moves home in transition to the next part of her fabulous life. Then there is me. I moved home because I simply felt like I should. As I drove home tonight in the rain listening to "Tonight's Gonna be a Good Night" I could not help think of what is going to happen over the next four months.

I have been so excited for next fall that I think I forgot to think about the reality of living at home. I now have an infamous "Call Kitchen Night", I do not have room mates to distract me, I do not have the freedom to eat a 1000 otter pops, I do not share a room, I do not have to make up excuses of why I need to go to my parents house, I have internet that works, I have food to eat, I have soft water and water temperature that stays the same, I have water pressure, I have closet space, I have rules,  and I have all of this because now I live at home. I do not know how to feel?

So I figure if I really hate it I will move out. I really hope I do not hate it. I want to enjoy it. I want to be happy with my family. It was always so hard for me before. So tonight I am using self affirmation I am happy. I love my family. I trust me. Tonight I trust that I made the right choice. Tonight I am where I am supposed to be, when I am supposed to be there.

xoxo newly relocated Madison

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

in the attic

(the end of the beginning with the legit six)

When I moved out of my parents home two years ago I was not ready to give up my childhood. It was a hard time for me. A time of change I was just not ready for. So instead of going through all the stuff in my bedroom I boxed it up and put it in the attic. Then last night in preparation for my moving home for the summer I went through the boxes. I found nice notes others had written me. I found old dresses from baptism to prom. I found baby blankets and baby dolls. In essence I found my childhood.

Looking back I wonder why I kept all of this stuff. Mom says if I have kept it this long I might as well keep it a little longer. Dad says I am a pack rat. As for me I have mixed feelings. As I look at some of the pictures of me I want to rip them up. I am not that girl anymore. I am stronger than that. I would never let the things that happened to that girl in the photo happen to me. Sadly though that girl is apart of me. She is someone who I need to learn to respect. Does this make any sense? I hope it does.

Although I did find a gem of a past birthday present from this boy still on a mission. Still in the plastic wrap and all. It even has a little coupon for a free dinner of my choice. Maybe I will take him up on this offer when he comes home.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Changed Plan

So I had this plan for my life. I knew what I was going to do. How long it would take and what it would take to get there. Okay so I am lying. I had one thing on my list that was going to happen. In fact in this year's Christmas Wish book I even made the wish that I knew would come true. The wish? To fall in love or be going on a mission in the year 2010. This was the plan. I was going to go on a mission. 

Then something happened and I can honestly say I do not know what happened. One day instead of moving to King Henry for round two of summer fun I am moving home. Instead of moving home for fall semester and to prepare for previously mentioned mission I am moving out with three of my favorite ladies. I am confused you see I always new I would go on a mission at 21. I could just feel it in my bones. Now I am unsure.

Then I heard this story told by Grandma Kay last night and was inspired and  given faith. My Grandma Kay was 19 when she married my Grandpa. They fell in love on a week end get away with friends. My Grandma Kay knew she loved my Grandpa but also knew she was going to serve a mission. As she is telling my Grandpa of her dilemma he simply says, "Kay don't worry we will go on a mission together when we are older."  Since that time they have spent 16 years doing service for our church. Including two missions, mission president, temple patron and matron, Mexico MTC president, quorum of the seventy and over seeing the church educational program of Mexico. 

I guess you could say Grandpa kept his promise and Grandma Kay was true to herself. I only hope the same can be said for me and my husband someday.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Getting To Know You

*a beautiful picture of my mom from college
I work as an office manager for a small internet marketing company in Orem. Okay so I admit it I work for my Dad. This comes with many perks one of them being he buys me lunch everyday. It is quite the conveneint set up for a struggling college student. 

Today however I just did not feel like eating lunch with the boys (my Dad and his business partner Wayne) so I called up my favorite lady and asked if she would go to lunch with me. This lady is truly my favorite. She always has good advice,  and is the best listener I know. She has never let me down. She has seen me at my absolute worst, the lowest of lows and surprisingly enough she still loves me and thinks I am indeed fabulous. 

This woman is Sue Ellen Parkinson Call. My mom. You see my mom like everyone has a story. I don't know Sue Ellen Parkinson's story. I only know Sue Ellen Call's story. I love her story. I love how she fell in love with my Dad. I love how she chose to raise us children. I love that she chose to graduate college and teach third grade (if only for a year). I love how she loves adventure, she is up for anything always. I love that she thinks I am wonderful. I love that she had 8 kids. I love that she has a testimony and that every time I wanted her to be my best friend she said that that is when I should rely on the Lord and allow him to be my best friend. I love that she cares about others. I love that she has so many people who adore her. I love almost everything about her.

As I am sure you all love your own mothers for many of the same reasons that I do I must say that there is one thing I do not love about my mother and that is I want to know her whole story. As for now I am Madison Call some day I will be Madison Call insert married last name here. When that day comes I will never forget the lessons I learned as Madison Call and hope that I will share the story whether good, bad, beautiful, ugly, or messy with my children.  So Mom as you read this (and I hope you do) know that I want to know your story. I want to know Sue Ellen Parkinson. And for all of you who are not my Mom have you ever wanted to know the woman that became your Mom?

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

plato was a famous philosopher...

I worked as a manager at Plato's Closet for close to 3 years. I loved almost every minute of it. The ladies I worked with were fabulous and patient with me. As I grew from a 16 year old high school junior to a 19 year old college sophomore I considered Plato's home. It was a safe place. A place I could go when everything else around me seemed to be falling apart. I worked with my best friends, Kelli, Julie, Cindy, Brittany, Jessica, Starrie, Anna Shumway, Anna Shorten, Kim, Jordan, Amber, Amy, Chelsea, Rachel and many other ladies who helped shape me into who I am today. 

I took many lessons with me when I left Plato's. I had a new appreciation for restaurants that delivered, customer services skills, simple math, tagging guns, tagging machines, touch screen computers, supply lists, entering emails, working with girls, managing girls, talking to girls, shopping, designer jeans, designer anything, clothes in general, friendship, work related friendships, non-work related friendships, back to school shopping, late holiday hours, late nights, hanger throw up, heavy bins, unclogging toilets, and pretty much any other life lesson that can or cannot be taught while working at a second hand clothing story with 15 ladies you absolutely adore. 

Today I am nonstalgic of my Plato's days. I miss the conversation. I miss the ladies. I miss the customers. I miss working with my best friends. I miss the 30% employee discount. I miss the employee basket. I miss the Plato's cash. I miss wearing a new outfit everyday. I miss the gossip (sorry Brit). I miss trying on at the end of my shift. I miss closing registers. I miss dancing to Muzac. I miss the sisterhood.  Today I miss Plato's.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Good Bye

(me, lauren, krissie, alyse, ally, stephanie)

I will be saying good bye to these lovely ladies in a week. I can not possibly describe the love I have for these five ladies. They have watched me through some of the lowest lows and highest highs. The second year of college was not an easy one for me. I lost myself and had to find myself more than once. They were there for me. They listened to what I had to say. They quoted my quotes. They looked at my Christmas decorations til April. They laughed at my lame jokes. Most of all they loved me for me.

To Lauren you are getting married and I do not know what I will do with out you and our long conversations late at night, before work, before school, after church, Saturday nights, and any other time we were both home. Trevor is a lucky guy. I can truly be me when I am around you and that is the best gift anyone has ever given me. Thank you.

Krissie where do I even begin. Since the first time I saw you and you were willing to listen to my explanation of the roomies I knew I would like you. You are stronger than anyone I have ever met. You are can be more inappropriate than me (which is saying something), and yet you are true to who you are and I love that about you.

Alyse you left me a month too early! I have struggled sleeping alone and not having pillow talk with someone who has great advice. You are the one who saw me at some of the lowest of lows and yet you laughed with me and even cried with me. Thank you for the love, friendship and happiness, advice, confidant, clean room and understanding of my messy room.

Ally you are one of a kind that is for sure. Since the time Steph began describing you to me I knew I would either love or hate you. Lucky for you I loved you. You are who you are and you make no apologies. Africa is lucky to have you for the summer! Guess what? Someday you will find your prince charming and it will be better than any facebook stalking relationship you have had.

Stephanie I do not even know where to begin we did not always get along. I am sorry for this. You were so gracious in truly listening to what I had to say and I can never take back what I said but I will take with me the love you still showered upon me. John is so lucky! You have an ability to make others feel as if they have known you your whole life. This is somthing special and I am envious about. Thank you for sharing part of who you are with me even though I have been so undeserving.

So to my incredible roommates of Liberty Square Madison 13 we have some fabulous stories to tell and I can only imagine they will get better with time. So we go our separate ways I can not wait to see what will come to each of us with time. One thing I am certain of is this Wicked song (Krissie go ahead belt it)

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

Because I knew you

I have been changed for good 

xoxo your fav roomie Madison

Monday, April 12, 2010

Story Telling

(Bre, Me, Kierea, and Andrea)

When I was young I told stories. Not just to family and friends but to audiences. I would memorize the story, fill it with accents, hand gestures, and different voice inflections. This is what I did. Having never been good at sports, or art  I did what I was good at talking, reading aloud and telling stories. As a young adult I still enjoy telling stories. Only now they are not of imaginary characters doing great things, instead they are the stories of my life and the not-so-great things I have done. As I tell these stories I have come to find that I love hearing others stories as well. 

You see everyone has a story. We each have something in our life that has helped define who we are. Last night I was talking the fabulous ladies pictured and realized more prominently than ever before just how different we each are. Our stories are different. Our struggles are similar and we each have the desire to be better. To learn, to grow, to teach and to love. 

I love hearing each story. I love knowing why people have chosen to live their life the way they do. I cannot wait for the day when I understand how I can turn the telling of their stories into something greater. Someday I will be able to hear their story and give them the tools they need to heal themselves from the pain they have felt. No one can heal us. We each need to heal ourselves. Others can give us the tools needed for the healing process. It is up to us whether or not we choose to be healed.We as individuals are the only ones with the power to heal.

Now only if I could use the tools I have been taught.

Friday, April 9, 2010


I have been textually active lately. I am not a fan of texting and yet I can not stop texting the "tool". That is what I call him. I talk to this boy in person as well, but as of late it has been texting. I feel like I am in high school texting "cowboy j" again. This is only my second textual relationship and feel like it should be my last. I will see the ''tool" tomorrow in my saturday morning human sexuality class. Yes I met him in my sex class what can I say talking sex every Saturday morning makes for one great conversation starter. Someday I will tell you about how much I have enjoyed this class. As for today I am looking forward to the awkard encounter I will for sure experience with him tomorrow. As for now I gotta go I just got another sext. 

*disclaimer this is a VERY pg relationship

Thursday, April 8, 2010


i am the third of eight kids. i have two older brothers, three younger brothers and two baby sisters (i used to refer to them as the "add ons" until my mom found out). growing up i always felt so alone. i was in the middle of all these crazy boys and i am just not crazy. i am a girly girl. i love hair, makeup, dolls, playing school, playing house, i hate getting dirty and most of all i love to talk. this never went over well with all the brothers. so i made due with cousins, imaginary friends and neighborhood friends to keep me occupied. then in the midst of hell (jr. high) my mom had faith and grace. these two (despite the church names) are crazy they are polar opposites in almost every way. 

*at the pleasant grove strawberry days rodeo 2009 can you see the resemblance? 

faith has long dark hair, can not sit still for the life of her, enjoys climbing things, getting dirty, eating, being independent, basically she is call boy in a call girl body. she looks just like me and acts nothing like me. 

*at dust and elise's open house 2009 

grace on the other hand has blue eyes, light brown hair, is tiny, loves cuddling, enjoys getting all dressed up, is a perfectionist, gets a 100% on all her spelling tests, has a memory that competes with a computer, generally gets what she wants through persuasion, you could say she is an all around call girl. 

last night they spent the night at my apartment. i love playing the fun older sister. i love spending times with them. i hate when they bicker with one another. someday they will realize just how lucky they are to have each other. as time goes on i know i have become grateful for the bond of sisterhood that i have with these little "add ons". faith and grace i love you ladies and love watching you grow and mature you are both FABULOUS (i guess they do have something in common after all). i am lucky you choose to love me back.

xoxo your only favorite big sister

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Good Girl Gone

*me and my bad self at kay's bachelorette party 

So I have been talking a lot about moving on and growing up. The hard thing about growing up is that sometimes we loose ourselves in the process. I particularly am guilty of this. The last week has not been an easy one. For whatever reason I turned my back on who I really am and it only made things worse. You see I am a good girl. This statement is one I have been fighting all of high school and much of college. I know this sounds funny but have you ever been labeled something from a young age and did not know if you still wanted to own that label later on in life. I guess this is what happened with me being a good girl. I do not know if this is who I really want to be. I have been fighting all my good girl instincts. And guess what? I have come out a slightly worse good girl. So I have this theory (if you know me I have lots of theories about everyone and everything) about labels. The theory is that they restrict us. They do not allow us to continue to grow and learn. Labels have this way of making us think we are either in or out. That there is no middle ground. Maybe there is a gray area where I don't always have to be a good girl but instead I just follow what I know is right whether good or bad (but lets be honest it is me it will most likely be good but now I have a choice). So as for today I am not a good girl. I am just Madison, a girl who enjoys doing good things.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Spring Changes People

Spring is in the air. I know it is supposed to snow this week. Still that does not change what this time of year does to people. 
Spring cleaning. 
Cleaning of friends.
Cleaning of old feelings. 
Cleaning of the house. 
Cleaning of all the bad that has crept into your life during the horrid winter months post Christmas. 
I can see the change start to take place. Not just in myself but in the world around me. Not only is the grass getting greener and the sky bluer but the answers to questions held in all winter are begining to unravel. Spring is a magical time of year. I am welcoming it with open arms. That and my newly filed tax return.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Moving On

About three years ago I was talking to a boy in my high school ballroom class (yes I took ballroom and yes I dropped out) I remember asking him if he was still dating a certain someone. You see they had been a very public high school couple. In high school I am much like I am now I love to know things about peoples life some call it  gossip I call it caring. Any way so I for some reason will not forget the politically correct answer this high school senior gave "All good things come to an end and our (meaning the previous girlfriend) good thing has come to an end." This did and still does strike me as very mature way of looking at past relationships/friendships. 

You see I have never been in a serious relationship but I have enjoyed some great friendships and flings (if you can even call them that). I have come to realize that they like this particular high school romance had to come to an end. They had run there course and I learned what I needed to. I grow from each relationship I have with another person. Whether it just be friends, wardies, roomies, or a "celebrity" crush I have grown from them all. Right now I am letting a good thing in my life end because I feel like I have learned my lesson (I do not feel like re-learning the same lesson more than five times over).  So this is to all good things coming to an end and moving on...I'll let you know how it goes.

Friday, March 26, 2010

blue, yellow, red...you?

As of late I have been reading this gem of a book. It was lent to me by one of my favorite uncles who also happens to be a social worker. He shares my love of people and problem solving. Lets just say he has helped me more than once in my classes and life as of late. 

Yesterday I took the test and found out that I am a blue-yellow followed closely by red. Once I finish the book completely I will re-evaluate and take the test again. I don't fully trust the results. You see I have this theory that in high school while living at home, working at Plato's and on student council I was a flaming red. Then I came to college quite Plato's, moved out, and barely make it to school at all. This change has caused me to be a fun loving yellow. I am not complaining although it might have more to do with the medication I have recently started taking (that is another story). So maybe once I finish the book, move home for the summer and stop trying to deny the fact that I love control and power my color of conduct will change.

 You see I am now obsessed more than I already was with reading people and their personality to try and identify each persons core color (just ask bestie Kara). Just last night I made each of the roomies take the test. I guessed their colors before beginning and was 3 out of 4. I now dare you to test my new found love and knowledge of the color code, take the test and before telling me your results I will guess your color...

Wednesday, March 24, 2010


Today is this brother's birthday. He is officially an adult as of today. Only problem? Carter has wisdom that exceeds his age. He has always been an example to me of how to overcome life's trials. He has made his life something that anyone would be proud of. He is not a quitter. He is a fighter. Carter has taught me that anything is possible with hard work and perseverance. He has taught me that your weaknesses can become your strengths and to not dwell on that which is hard for you but to do what you need to do to suceed. So Carter happy birthday I love you and look up to you more than you will ever know.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


Just the other day the sudo (i have never claimed to know how to spell) pseudo roomies and I were talking about dating. Shocking I know. The thing is in Provo dating is often times the only thing people talk about. The first question you are generally asked by an aquantice, family member, high school classmate, or anybody else you may come in contact with is "So who are you dating these days?" or "So you dating anyone?". The problem is when you are not dating someone the question can become awkward. My usually response is "Why just date one!" or "I am just having fun dating around!" when in reality I don't really date.
It is hard to explain to the perpetual dater why one would not want to date.  You see dating is all about putting yourself out there and making yourself available. Unfortunately it is a game. For me I have found it easier to just not put myself in the game then suffer the hard fouls, time outs, half times, penalty box, and my least favorite losing. I had a former bishop who believed this mentality was causing me to struggle with same sex attraction I promise this is not the case.

I would just like to find out who I am before I allow someone else enter my life which can sometimes be a mess (a mess that I am learning to love). This way when I experience losing the game, I can get right back up and play another knowing that I only need to win once.

Monday, March 22, 2010

oh yeah...about that

yesterday i learned about provident living. it felt as if i was back in high school and my mom would guilt me into being nice to the brothers. you know when you already know you are bad at something and then someone decides to confront you on "how you just have so much potential and we just expect more out of you"  for me it feels like someone put a weight in my stomach and it just dropped down to the floor. that is how i felt yesterday learning about "prominent" living (i totally thought that is what it was called until the roomies fiance teased me after about the 30th time of me saying it). i came home and decided that i would return some of my newly purchased clothes, sell my clothes, donate plasma and go back to my new years resolution to save my hard earned monies.

*this all starts after i replenish my supply of these, oh and this

Saturday, March 20, 2010

thanking mr downs

 i started journaling in mr. down's 11th grade english class. i wrote about whatever was on my mind mr. downs would occansionally read something i wrote and the general response was "you are too young to date anyway" or "you are right boys are not worth your time". so as you can see my mind was filled with mostly boys, dances, boys, operation smile, boys, friends, boys, clothes, plato's, and boys...not much has changed.

i don't know what it is about journaling that just brings out the need for me to talk about every encounter, every text, phone call, hang out, drive by, sighting, or gossiping that takes place with any number of guys i may or may not be crushing on.

so mr downs my friends, my  family and i thank you because if it was not for your inspiration in having your students write down their thoughts, dreams, emotions, crushes, stories, and feelings.we would still be listening to me complain about "how he so did not call me after i clearly made not only made visual contact but verbal contact as well...he so should have gotten my number out of the ward directory by now!" i only wish i was kidding.

Friday, March 19, 2010

someday, future, people, social worker

In college we are asked to pick a major. I think this could better be described as picking the one thing we think will make us happy for the rest of lives based on a predetermined list that school has set out for you. Hopefully you pick a good one now because if not you will take unneeded classes prolonging your graduation. Generally speaking we pick our majors based on what we are good at.

 I am horrible at math.  I hate the phonetics of English (in fact I had to use word spell checker then dictionary to make sure I got the right usage and spelling out of phonetics). I have never been happier with a grade than the C- I received in Meteorology (that is how much I disliked that class...I just wanted to pass); I have yet to take Biology. I only like the stories behind history trying to remember all the dates and battles just stresses me out. The most artistic thing I do all day is pick out my clothes and accessories. Physical education has always been my worst subject I did not even like tag at Cascade. I don't know the difference between a soprano or an alto, in fact I could not tell you the difference between chords, notes, measures, flats and sharps. As you can see my options for picking a major have been limited.

Although I have always known what I don't like I did not know what I did like. What I did know is that I love people. I love talking (as most of you know). I love stories. I love knowing why a person did what they did. What made them choose to be the way they are? How people rise above their circumstance? What makes each individual different, unique, lovable, interesting and happy? 

We as individuals each have a story to tell. That is precisely why I chose Social Work. Social Work is the ability to help others find out what in their lives has led them to act the way they do now. What has occurred in their life to get them to the place they are in now. I am just lucky that there are people out there willing to learn biology, chemistry, history, math, music, dance, pe, and many other subjects I am horrible at so I can learn about people (my favorite subject). So I can someday help others. 

xoxo  your favorite future Social Worker

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Child of 80's

I was born in the 
greatest decade. This decade is SO great we celebrate it every Thursday night at Area 51. I have chosen to never forget the decade of my birth so I choose to fashion many of my outfits, hair, nail color, music, movie choice and dance moves after this special decade. Tonight as I have often done  I am going to pay tribute to the AWESOME 1980'S. I am going to honor the late John Hughes, Cory Haim and Michael Jackson in the best way I know how. Getting all dolled up "Material Girl" style and look at the "Man in the Mirror" while celebrating "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" as we get our "Footloose"."Sweet Child of Mine" you are welcome to join it may get"Nasty"but no worries we party "Like a Virgin" because we are "Livin' on a Prayer". Hopefully I will see you tonight as I "Bust a Move". 
xoxo "Mickey"